*I hear the front door to the dorm ease open and I look up from where I'm laying across the couch, sitting up to look over the back edge to see who came home. I am a bit surprised when I see you walk past, after all, I feel like we really haven't seen each other since Jieun noona's birthday, not that I was exactly avoiding you or anything. After our fight things have just felt awkward, and of course, I assume you've been spending all of your time with Hyosung noona. I frown a little as you don't even greet me, and I wonder if you even noticed me sitting there. Instead of calling out to you, I merely watch you go straight to our room before flopping back into my previous position and staring at the ceiling. I lay there for a while, hoping that you'll come back out eventually. The silence that had been comforting before you got home is suddenly unnerving and I get up, heading down the hallway. I pause in front of our door for a while, wondering why I am so nervous to go in. After all, it is my room too? ... finally, I turn the knob and open it slowly* Hey, Jongup hyung? *I question carefully, hoping that you didn't come home because you felt ill and didn't want to be bothered.*

*When I hear you enter, I'm less than comforted. I suddenly feel even more tense and stressed than I was already. I know that if I speak, you'll notice I'm crying, and if you notice I'm crying, you'll ask me what's wrong, and if you ask me what's wrong, I'll be forced to tell you. Instead, I opt to pretend I'm asleep, biting my lip as I try to suppress the sounds I make as each sob racks through me*

*I can barely hear you breathing from under your covers, but after having shared the same room for so long, I know for a fact you aren't asleep. A sort of pain settles in my chest and my stomach twists with the hurt as the only conclusion that I can come to is that you are ignoring me by pretending to sleep so that I'll go away. I almost back out of the room to retreat back to the living room and pretend like I didn't even come in here, but the small hitch of your breath stops me. I walk further into the room, quietly.* J-Jongup hyung? *I keep my voice low, reaching your bed side and carefully pulling at the covers that you have drawn around yourself.*

*Knowing you've caught me, but not wanting to give in, I pull the covers in the opposite direction you are, trying to keep them around me and keep my face hidden.I can't let you see me, not like this, not now. I don't want to be secretive, but I don't want to have to talk about this to anyone...it's too soon. I just need to be alone and cry. I can't handle to hide my feelings; I'm too beaten up over this*

*I pout a little when you tug the covers up over you. It's not like you to hide like this, and alarms set off in my head that something might really be wrong.* Jonguppie hyung, stop that... *I mumble, gripping the blanket a bit more and trying to tug it down from your head as I begin the fear the worse. What if you got mugged or something on your way home and they beat you up or something and now you are laying in bed and hiding your injuries? I bite my lip, sitting down onto the edge of your bed as I pat at the lump that is you beneath the blanket before rubbing your back in a hopefully comforting manor* Hyung... u-uhm... I... just want to make sure you're okay... I... can go if you want... *The words catch a little in my throat and I wonder if i should just get up and leave, or call Hyosung... you'd probably rather talk to her anyways.*

*Part of me wants to let you in, but as I open my mouth to say something, I start to feel even more choked up, so I bite my lip to keep any sounds from escaping. I take a shaky breath, and let it out slowly, trying to stop my crying. I'm your hyung...I can't let you worry over me, that wouldn't be fair to you...but nothing I do seems to ease my pain. I just want to sleep for as long as I'm able - I can't feel pain if I'm unconscious. I just want to dream....I just want to pretend...pretend that today never happened...pretend that I'm still with her...still kissing her...but I know it's over now.*

*With the way my hand is rested on your back, I can feel each shakey breath you take and my worry grows. I bite my lip, falling into silence as I listen carefully to you. By now I've gatheted that you're crying, I'm just not sure who or what caused it. I pull my hand away, breaking the small bit of contact between us as I stare at the floor* I.. I'm sorry, Jongup hyung... I'll just go... *I can't help but feel dejected, and that alone makes me feel worse. Something is obviously bothering you, I should keep my focus on you. Still, the hurt twists in my stomach, and I can't help but mumble almost childishly under my breath, bitterness lacing my tone* I should just call noona... *the words come out a bit louder than I planned, but it doesn't stop my twisting jealousy as I stand up from the edge of your bed.*

*With those words, I immediately panic and throw the covers off me, grabbing you by the wrist before you can walk away, and revealing my crying face* No! *I yell, my voice cracking in the word and ending in a raspy sound. I know I'd sounded too panicked, so I instantly try to think of a way to mask it* I...I mean...s-she doesn't need to know...she shouldn't worry...It's not...it's not important. * I offer a painfully forced smile, trying to let you know that everything's okay when both of us know it's not* p-please, don't call her. And...it's late...I wouldn't want to...bother her. *I bite my lip and force back another wave of tears* Have you eaten yet? Go out into the kitchen, Junhongie, and set the table. I'll make something for us... *I say, desperately trying to change the subject*

*I am surprised by the tug at my wrist and the crack in your voice as you raise your volume and I stop where I stand immediately and take a breath, keeping my back to you for just a moment as I closed my eyes. Despite the clear emotional distress in your voice, you are still trying to convince me that you are okay and to not worry about you. I begin to wonder if it is just because it is me, and if you'd rather me just go away and stop trying... but part of me knows that isn't true, you wouldn't be so against me calling Hyosung if it was merely about you being against help from me. I take a deep breath again, blinking a few times before turning and facing you. My heart thumps painfully against my rib cage at the tear tracks that stain your cheeks and the redness in your eyes from crying and i want to sit down and hug you like before and make it all stop... something about seeing you crying, no matter what the cause, just hurts. But that isn't what you want right now, I remind myself, so instead I slip my wrist from your grip. I try to ignore the jealousy once more as you talk about Hyosung, and I wonder if she knows how lucky she is to have someone as caring and kind as you are. I tug the sleeves of my shirt down from where i had pushed them up earlier and I carefully wipe away the tears that still mark your cheeks, returning the sort of forced smile.* I haven't eaten yet, hyung... but its okay... you don't have to worry about me... *I mumble. I'm not sure what is going on right now, but the last thing i want to do is become a bother to you*

*Part of me is relieved that you don't push to know what's going on, and I'm silently thankful for that, even though part of me wants to talk about it and help me make sense of it...Regardless, I brush it off and shake my head* n-no, you need to eat..so do I..let's make something, okay? Just...um...give me a minute to...yeah... *I don't finish my sentence, but I know you'll gather what I mean. You always do. I force another smile and wipe at my eyes again as a few more tears roll down my cheeks* what is this? *I glance down at the wet tears on my fingertips and rub them together, smearing the liquid between my thumb, middle, and index fingers* Human emotions...why can't I just be a robot like you? *I say jokingly, trying to lighten the mood*

*I turn my gaze to the floor momentarily, letting out a small sigh. I can tell that something is eating away at you, and I wonder why you won't just tell me what it is so that I can help you somehow, but I don't fight your insistence to make something to eat, even though I don't want you to worry about watching over me in your emotionally distressed state.* Of course, hyung... take whatever time you need... *I watch you wipe away more tears, rubbing them between your fingers and I can't help but crack a smile at the robot joke... its been a while since anyone has joked around about my robot phase of our rookie days.* Being a robot isn't all that great, hyung... *Although, with the worry and guilt over not knowing what is wrong with you mixes with the lingering jealousy that clings in the back of all of my thoughts, I can't help but to silently agree with you. Right now, being a robot does sound pretty nice.*

*I can tell you want me to tell you what's going on, and maybe I will, soon enough, but I just don't want to talk about it right now. Not after it just happened..I try to laugh at your counter to my joke, but it's forced. Regardless, I offer a faint smile and pat your back* Go. I'll join you in a minute. I'd like to get changed into something more comfortable. The others are out, right? How about we watch a movie or something?

*I nod my head* Okay hyung... That sounds great... *I try to offer you a smile ib return as I stand there awkwardly. Before I can really think over my actions I lean towards you quickly, hugging onto you breifly, the soft spoken words falling from my lips* What ever is bothering you, hyung.. I'm here for you. *I pull away from the hug, shuffling back awkwardly* ill uh... G-go... Ill see you in a minute *I manage to stutter out, ducking my head and leaving the room*

*I accept the gesture and hug you back. It helps to know I have a friend like you that's willing to listen, I just can't do that to you...but I can tell you want me to talk to you about it* okay, thank you. *I reply and after you leave I get changed into a pair of sweats and jeans before going out to join you*

*I leave the room quietly, shutting the door behind me. I stand for a few seconds in the hallway, taking a moment to gather my thoughts before I head to the kitchen. You were insistent that we eat, and despite my lack of cooking skills, I want to help you. As I stand in the kitchen, I feel a bit lost, unsure of where to start... I dont really know what you're in the mood for. I decide to just wait for you and I move to the table, sitting down and pulling out my cellphone on habit. I stare at the screen, the though of going against your word and texting noona crossing my mind.*

*I go out into the kitchen to join you and sigh a little. I'm not crying anymore since I've gathered myself, but I still look pretty upset* 

*When you come into the kitcheb, I shove my phone into my pocket, an almost guilty feeling in my gut. You'd asked me not to text noona, and despite the desperate plea, I almost had. I let my gaze linger on your face. You're not crying right now but I can see where you were earlier and I wonder breifly if I hadn't gone into our room how long you would have been in there alone with what ever was bothering you. I force a smile onto my face* So hyung... What should we make to eat?

*I force a smile back and think* well, I'm not up for anything big...let's just make something easy.

*I nod in reply, noticing your forced smile but not willing to comment on it. If you want to tell me, I figure you will. The last thing I want to do is cause you to shut me out.* maybe we could just make something to snack on while we watch a movie? *I suggest*

Yeah..that sounds good... We can do that. *I say, pretty much willing to agree to anything right now*

A-are you sure, hyung... I mean... If you want something else... *I mummble, my voice trailing off. You still seem off and as much as I don't want to push you, I don't want to not say anything either.*

I'll do whatever you like, Junhongie.. *I reply, almost without thinking. I feel sort of numb to everything right now.*

*I fidget nervously, the hallow sound in your voice is almost scary, its unnatural. I bit my lip, worrying it between my teeth as I look down to my feet. My stomach feels like its in knots and finally I let out a sigh* Hyung, I'm... Not really hungry, let's just watch a movie or something for now. *I walk over to stand next to you, taking your hand to sort of pull you up from your chair. I don't know why I feel the need for physical contact, but just the warmth of your palm against mine is calming and without thinking I slide my fingers between yours, gripping your hand gently.*

*I glance down at our hands but don't object to you taking my hand. It's almost...comforting. I force a smile at you and nod* alright...We can do whatever you'd like.