I rack my mind, trying to think of something to talk about with you, but I know you aren't feeling very talkative now. Would it be a good idea to try and get you to converse?

The silence leaves me to think to myself, scold myself, for any little thing my mind can think of. I tear myself apart on the inside as I stare down at the plate of barely touched apples.

As soon as I've eaten my fair share of slices, I reach for your hand, "Is there anything you want to do today?"

Your voice breaks the silence and in turn, the voices in my head. I shake my head. "N-no not really," I reply, looking down.

"I know you're not feeling up to much, but maybe we could watch a movie?" I suggest, just wanting to do things that'll keep you occupied.

I shrug. "I just want to lay here..." I reply, feeling more sluggish and tired than I have in a long time.

"That's perfectly fine," I smile, knowing I shouldn't push you today. It's not even noon yet and you've already been through so much stress.

I push away the plate of apples and just lay down. I feel like just withering away and disappearing. I don't want to be here. All I'm gonna do is cause you stress. It's not doing any good keeping me alive.

I reach for your hand and take it gently, giving it a small squeeze, "You're doing well."

"No, I'm not..." I disagree, almost wanting to pull my hand away.

"You ate one apple slice well,and a bit of another. All things considered, that's not too bad." I encourage with a smile.

I pull my hand away from yours and wrap my arms around myself as I curl up on the bed. I believe nothing you say about me. I'm not doing well, otherwise I wouldn't be in such pain. My chest wouldnt feel like it's caving in on itself all the time, and I wouldn't be hating the sound of my beating heart and the rhythmic movement of my lungs as they force oxygen in and out of my limp, frail-looking body. It's funny, actually...how they think that I'm still alive. I feel like I might as well be dead already. If not for the pain, I'd think I was. But the pain is a constant reminder for me that this isn't over. I'm still here. I'm still suffering. There's no light in my path and I'm no where close to the end of the tunnel, if there even is an end. I look ahead and all I see is darkness. I don't know what's in that darkness. I don't know what to expect and I don't know how to cope with any of this.

I bite my lip and look down. You must be hurting so much and I still can't help you.. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. You'd never be able to dislike anything about yourself if you saw yourself the way I see you - the way you really are.

As the pain engulfs me, I find myself craving some sort of release...All I want is for it to go away...I just want it all to stop.

Knowing you shouldn't just sit here and dwell in sadness, I nudge your thigh gently, "Myungsoo-yah...you should try to get up. Do you want to shower? I think you'd feel a little better if you did."

I shake my head. A shower sounds nice but I don't feel like getting up. I feel like just laying here and dying. I have no energy.

"Maybe a bath? That way you can sit down. I can fill the tub for you if you want," I offer with a small smile.

"I guess..." I say, finally giving in. I figure that it's the lesser of two evils.

"Okay, do you need a minute to get up?" I ask gently, giving you a small smile.

"Yeah." I pause and slowly gather myself and push myself up off the bed into a sitting position.

"I'll be right back, okay? Do you want bubbles at all?" I ask. I know I like them, but they aren't for everyone.

"Do what you think is best," I reply as I try to get myself out of bed.

"A little bubbles then," I smile, leaning in to give your shoulder a quick squeeze before I head down to the bathroom to start your bath.

While you're gone, I manage to get out of bed, although it takes every last bit of energy I have. I let out a heavy sigh and rub my face with my hands as I wait for you to come get me.

I add a small amount of bubble bath to the tub and make sure the water is a good temperature before I head back to our room to come and get you, "Relax as much as you can, okay?"

I nod. "Thank you, Dongwoo-hyung. Are there towels in there?"

"I did the laundry a little while ago so there are some clean ones hanging up," I inform you with a gentle smile.

"Thank you..I'll be right back then," I say as I go to the bathroom and close the door. I don't lock it - just in case I need you. I take my clothes off and toss them into a pile before I slowly lower myself into the bathtub. The water feels really nice against my skin and I let out a shaky sigh as I lay down in the tub.