I know that's what it feels like, and maybe right now I am...but you'll get through this and be grateful you stuck around. We'll break the cycle and you'll be happy again one day. I'm not saying it'll be quick or easy, but take it from someone who knows happiness - it's worth it *I say softly, gently, and I can't help but raise my hand and wiping your tears away* I don't like seeing you in pain and I know it's hard for you, but I promise you it'll be worth it in the end.

You can't promise me something like that... *I murmur and blink away my tears*

I'm making that promise, because I know I won't give up. I won't stop until it becomes true - you'll be happy again, and your sadness won't be so overwhelming. I'll help you in any way you can, all I need from you is to not give up...you're doing so well already, I'm so proud of you. I've told you that, right? That I'm proud of you? *I say gently, half cupping your cheek, wiping away the moisture with my thumb*

*I look at you and nod slowly with your hand against my cheek, confirming that you have told me. I listen to your words of encouragement and take a slow, deep breath, which is interrupted by a few hiccups from getting so worked up, but I let out out slowly and try to take another to help calm myself. The way your thumb strokes my cheek and wipes my tears helps to comfort me and I raise a hand to hold onto your wrist to keep your hand there. I don't know why I do this, but the contact is soothing and I don't want to lose it*

*A small smile rests on my lips, and I continue stroking your cheek gently, soothingly, not saying a word. You know I care about and love you, and not much more needs to be said right now. I can tell you're calming down right now, and I don't want to interrupt that, so I simply caress your soft skin tenderly*

*I continue taking deep breaths until my breathing normalises. I close my eyes and let out one last heavy sigh before opening them. As the minutes pass and I begin to calm down, my eyelids start to feel heavy*

*I look into your eyes and give you a gentle smile, noticing that familiar feeling going through me. In the short time I've accepted my feeling for you, I've come to realize that I've loved you for longer than I thought. I think back to what Eunji said about how a relationship would help you, and I think that maybe she's right, and maybe I could help you better if we were together...but you tole me yourself, you're straight, and even if you weren't, you're too concerned with hurting me to be with me...so we couldn't be together. Still..it's a nice thought*

*I make an effort to return the smile. As I look at you, I can't help but admire your smile. It's always so genuine. I love being able to see it, and I try to tell myself that even though I'll have to see you cry, as long as we're both alive, I'll still get to see your smile. That helps a little. As I'm admiring your smile, my eyes wander to your other features. Your eyes - gentle, loving, bright. Your nose - unique, like your personality. Your jaw line - perfectly chiseled and defined. Your skin - smooth, fair, and with hardly any blemishes. Your lips, which are still contorted to fit your smile - plump, soft-looking....my mind wanders momentarily as I wonder what I'd be like to kiss you, given our previous conversation, the thought seemed relevant...I imagine your lips pressed against mine, and my own lips tug into a smile (a real one, without me knowing), but as soon as I consciously realise what I'm thinking about, the smile disappears and I look away, pulling away from your hand as my face flushes. I feel embarrassed for thinking about that. I'm straight, that much I'm sure of. I must just be tired...or maybe it's the anesthesia....I'm not thinking right, that's all.*

Is everything okay? *I ask quickly, noticing as your hand pulls away. I had been zoned out, thinking about, well, us...together, what it'd be like to really be with you! to make you smile and laugh and feel like sunshine kisses your skin even in the rain... but you jerk me back into reality and I blink at you in confusion.*

Y-yeah, I'm fine. *I reply quickly, though in reality I'm rattled up about the thought I'd just had* well...I..I'm not, but you know that already...but I am...I'm okay. *I say, trying to explain that I'm fine outside of the things you already know about, but just confusing myself even more*

*I can't help but chuckle softly, and I nod in understanding* Let me know if something's bothering you, alright?

Okay, I will.. *I say quietly, and a nurse walks in*
"Is he ready for his psychological evaluation?" *she asks, more directed to you even though I'm in the room as well*

I think so *I say with a nod, turning to you* are you ready?

Yeah, I want to get out of here. *I reply, and the nurse nods and goes to get the psychiatrist* I'm not ready for this.. *I say honestly to you* I'm worried about what they're going to say..

Just remember they have your best interests in mind, okay? It'll be over soon and you can decide what to do next.

That's not the point. I just don't want them to peg me with anything...it just adds to my long list of flaws...

Myungsoo-yah, mental illness isn't a flaw. Lots of people have them - it's okay. It's nothing wrong with you.

Still...I don't want to be classified as "sick." It feels...like I'm weak, or crippled.

You're none of those, I promise. Depression is just a chemical imbalance, it doesn't reflect on you at all, okay?

Yes, it does, especially when I start crying for no reason...

Depression makes you sad, and you cry when you're sad. It's normal, it's okay. No one's judging you at all Myungsoo-yah.

*I open my mouth to respond, but the psychiatrist walks in and she greets us both before turning to you and saying* "standard policy is that you leave the room while I evaluate him. Is that alright?"

*I nod and lean in to give you a quick hug and smile before I turn and leave the room, telling you a quick* It'll be alright~

*I reply with "okay" and wave as you leave the room before turning to the doctor* I...uh..don't know how this works..

*The doctor chuckles softly and gives you a warm smile* "well I'm going to ask you some simple questions and hopefully we'll be able to find out what's making you so depressed, and we can talk about possible treatments."

"Okay...will it take long...?" I ask, ready to be compliant since all I really want to do is go home.

"If this goes nice and easy, we really shouldn't be any longer than twenty minutes - probably shorter," the doctor smiles.

I nod. "Okay...let's start then."